Tuesday, January 26, 2010


People are singing and dancing, and I am singing too.  But all I can think about is my mom.  I can see her on stage, but it isn't her... Dark hair shining in the spotlight; smile pointed in my direction.  Her teeth are the finest pearls.

There is a lump in my throat.  Be present, Damien, I tell myself.  My voice is louder than everyone elses, except for one.

Her.  She sings and speaks at the same time.

Look at me, she says.

Her eyes are dark but reflect the light.  She is magnificent.  My heart swells because she is my mother.  My mother before she lost herself to the Fear... the same fear that I have seen in my closet at night.  My mother has never been here, and my fingers tap the table as I struggle to catch my breath.

But she is alive, she is still alive.  She is telling me to live.